For those who have missed the fun leading to this point, lemme 'splain (it's ok, there's not too much, and we have time):
I, upon moving here to the land of functioning (almost all the time) public transit, sent my truck home to be disposed of to a needy home, and pretty much totally ceased driving. Hence, when my driver's license expired, I, in true procrastinating fashion, reminded myself that I needed to replace it, and promptly forgot about it.
Recently, upon some prompting (yes, I'm looking at you, hilarytamar), I was reminded to get on with that. However, having put it off until more than 6 months after my old license expired, I have to take the written and driving tests again. DC, in its infinite wisdom, won't even let you SCHEDULE the driving test until you've passed the written test and been issued a permit.
So, part the first down, and I still need to schedule a driving test (and pass it, which should be relatively easy other than the parallel parking) in order to get a license. Still, progress! And as a side benefit, I went to the SSA and got them to promise to send me a replacement Social Security card (since DMV wouldn't accept my 1040 electronically filed tax return as proof of SS number). In some ways, that seems almost like bowing to the forces of bureaucracy and admitting defeat, as I lost the original card very shortly after being issued it (when I was 15), and have managed to get by without it ever since.